How My Abusive Marriage is Affecting My Daughter – Tope Delano

Tope Delano, a Nigerian journalist has described how her abusive marriage  is affecting her daughter.

Delano described in her Medium site the series of verbal, physical and mental abuses she allegedly suffered in the hands of her husband.

She also mentions how scared the young child is to get married and instead inquired about the possibilities of a same sex union.

According to her the 6-year-old is asking unusual questions like “Mummy, can a girl and a girl marry ?”

Her little daughter also inquired if a boy and a boy could get married and “I affirmed saying yes, then added that marriage should happen when both parties are sure they needed to.

“For a minute, I thought that was the end to the questioning because really, I just ate and wanted to sit in silence and listen to music with her, but, but no, my child followed up with the statement; ‘I don’t want to get married, and they will beat me.’

“Now, we are Yoruba, and ‘they’ in my language is meant for an older person, I was broken into bits.”

Tope Delano then wrote an open letter to her husband, DJ reminding him how the alleged abusive behaviour began.

Tope’s letter to DJ:

“I knew from the very start that the marriage was going to fail. I wanted a home with you, but were fare from being an apartment.

“I stayed silent for years watching you cheat, all the while acting dumb. I never however, envisaged that your anger would one day result in you hitting me.

“You have continued to deny the many times you abused me, you have continued to deny ever hitting me on several occasions and, I have for years continued to hide that side of you from everyone you and I know.”

Delano added that the abuse started verbally before it turned physical, describing how on many occasions DJ beat her up in front of their daughter and visiting family members.

She added that, “For every argument and disagreement that occurred, I heard how my mother did a shabby job parenting me, how my family was of no good, why you ask ?

“I talked back so calmly, I dared to say every time ‘you are pushing me to the wall, someday soon, I will turn back and fight.’

“Remember the first day you hit me ? Oh, you don’t, let me refresh your memory; we were in your brother’s car driving home from your mum’s church.

“I was in the back seat with your child (our child) then barely 2-year-old. Your cussed me in Yoruba and for the first time, I found my voice and replied to you, not by cussing you. I simply said ‘you too’ and out of nowhere, I saw your hand moving swiftly towards me.

“You didn’t care what you were doing, nor that your child was in the car, you hit me, remember ?

“You did not stop there DJ, you kept on abusing me, verbally, emotionally, financially, and, physically.

Delano revealed how husband, DJ got another woman pregnant while they were still married.

According to her, “You cheated, you got someone pregnant, you had multiple affairs while I remained dedicated, committed to us.

“I raised the child we bother created despite living together, I was a single mom even while married to you.

“Did you tell your family how you gambled with our house rent ? Did you tell them you repeatedly hit me with your sister, our child, my nephews in the room with us ?

“Did you tell your family how you consistently arranged different girls for your cousin’s husband who was barely 2 years into her marriage ?

“Did you tell them how you insulted my mother, how you pulled me by my hair on the floor then turned to me to say you ‘you were just jocking’ ? Did you ?

Tope who was a staff of Tooexclusive at the time, said she wanted to leave the marriage but needed to save enough from her job.

She alleged that while she endured the abusive marriage, her husband started blackmailing her to family members on his side and hers. Sadly, they took sides with him.

According to her, “I know the lies you spread about me to your family, your friends, my acquaintances, our friends, I tried to counter them but of course, people believed you and took sides with you. Everyone supported you, including my family that you for months insulted.”

Tope Delano she finally made up her mind to ask for a divorce but her husband pleaded and sadly, later resorted to threats when she refused to change her mind.

She said that, “I remember how after asking for a divorce, you would beg that I not leave and when I refused, you begin with your threats and cusses.

“I remember deciding enough and finally turning back to fight you — you drag my family, I will drag your entire generation and place curses on every life you will have to live.

She added for the 4 yers they have been separated, she has been “99.7 percent responsible” for raising their child.

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