The topic of a woman getting pregnant for another man while separated from her husband but before the divorce is finalized has recently sparked significant interest in a law firm that specializes in family matters.
According to DPA Family Law Clinic: Given the level of engagement, we have decided to provide a comprehensive post to inform those seeking more knowledge on this subject.
Understanding the Context of Separation and Divorce:
When you are separated from your husband and living apart, you may be planning to file for divorce or already have a pending divorce case. In Nigeria, finalizing a divorce can take up to five years. During this period, the question arises: what should your romantic life look like?
For men in Nigeria, the answer is often straightforward. Society generally allows men to maintain relationships, even before separation, and to have live-in girlfriends or even marry another woman while their divorce is pending. They may also have children with the new partner without significant societal repercussions. However, women face severe societal punishment for similar actions.
Challenges for Women in Nigerian Culture:
In the Nigerian culture, women are often considered to have lower status in terms of rights and privileges. For a woman who has just separated from her husband, starting a new relationship openly is considered a taboo. There is societal pressure for her to wait until the divorce is finalized.
Reasons to Wait Until Divorce is Finalized:
1. Possibility of Reconciliation:
Most divorce courts worldwide, including those in Nigeria, allow couples the opportunity to reconcile. The court may even mandate a conference to explore reconciliation. If a woman has been with another man during the separation, reconciliation becomes more challenging. This could lead to future conflicts if the couple decides to reunite.
2. Emotional Vulnerability:
The events leading to the breakup of a marriage often leave deep emotional wounds. Entering a new relationship with such emotional baggage can cloud judgment and lead to mistakes. A woman may feel vulnerable and susceptible to being taken advantage of. She might rush into a new relationship, mistaking a new partner for a “knight in shining armor” who will rescue her from her husband’s betrayal.
Alternatively, she may carry bitterness and mistrust from her failed marriage into new relationships, potentially punishing the new partner for her ex-husband’s sins. This can result in early breakups, further lowering her self-esteem and confidence, and leading her to compromise her standards and expose herself to abuse.
Every woman in this situation should take time for soul-searching and reflection to rebuild self-awareness. Guidance for individuals navigating the aftermath of a marriage or long-term relationship breakdown is available.
3. Legal Implications:
The law allows a woman’s new partner to be dragged into a pending divorce case. For example, in the case of Daddy Freeze, Benita’s husband amended his divorce petition to accuse Daddy Freeze and Benita of adultery after Benita got pregnant during their separation. This led to Daddy Freeze being involved in the divorce case and facing a claim for five million naira in damages. Starting a new relationship before finalizing a divorce can expose the new partner to legal and public embarrassment.
Reasons to Start Dating Soon After Separation:
However, there are also valid reasons for a woman to start dating soon after separation, depending on individual circumstances. Some women are emotionally resilient and financially independent, viewing the end of an unhappy marriage as a new opportunity. They may be ready to move on immediately.
Additionally, the divorce process can be lonely and isolating. Having a supportive male friend can provide encouragement and alleviate the pain of isolation. Such closeness often leads to romance and relationships before one is fully ready. Our advice is for each woman to assess her situation pragmatically, rather than adhering to moral injunctions. There is nothing inherently wrong with seeking happiness through a romantic relationship while awaiting the finalization of a divorce. Studies show that s*xual activity can improve health, particularly for women, so abstaining for years may not be beneficial.
The Complications of Pregnancy During Divorce:
The legal landscape becomes more complex when a woman gets pregnant by another man while her divorce is pending. The law includes a presumption of paternity, meaning a man is presumed to be the father of any child born to his wife until the divorce is finalized. This can lead to a woman’s ex-husband claiming a child she has with another man if the divorce is not finalized at the time of the child’s birth.
For example, if you separated from your husband in January 2021 and have not been alone with him since, and you have a child with another man in December 2021, your husband could be presumed to be the father. However, if the child is born in February 2022, the presumption would not apply. The period can vary from 10 to 12 months, but it is best to avoid getting pregnant immediately after separation to prevent such complications.
A more complex scenario arises if you separated in January 2021, started a relationship with John in March 2021, and then briefly reconciled with your husband in July 2021. If you left again after a fight and gave birth to John’s child in June 2022, your ex-husband could claim the child as his own, citing the presumption of paternity within the 12-month period.
The danger of the presumption of paternity is that courts often do not allow paternity tests to disprove it. The rationale is to prevent men from making false claims about sleeping with married women to embarrass them and their husbands. If a married woman becomes pregnant by another man, it is often hoped that her husband will reject the child, as most Nigerian men do not want to raise a child that is not biologically theirs.
Conclusion:
Navigating relationships and potential pregnancies during a divorce requires careful consideration of both emotional and legal factors. Each woman’s situation is unique, and decisions should be guided by pragmatic considerations rather than societal pressures.
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Published by DPA Institute of Marriage and Domestic Relations.
